Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
