the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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