WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
