I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
