i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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