WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
