o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
