so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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