my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
