nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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