Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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