Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
