he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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