JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
