my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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