i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
