Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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