if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
