I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
