Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
