I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i barfeds in our rink
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My vagina just recognized that song.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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