I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
