Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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