saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize