Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
