The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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