Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
