Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's blow job season.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize