I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
