I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
