You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
