I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
