Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
