Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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