if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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