omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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