If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
