Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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