dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
