Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize