The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
