So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
