i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
