You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
