I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
