mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
