I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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