i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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