I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
