My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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