Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
