Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
