Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
