9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
