Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
