her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
this just has baby written all over it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
