I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
