Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
