She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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