It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
