I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
