Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize