I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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