Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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