She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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