I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't put those talents on a resume
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
