Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
