I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
