Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
