my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
