I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize