Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
