i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
