there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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