every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
