She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize