After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
