I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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