don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
