Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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