I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
