so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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