I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize