took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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