Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
