And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
