i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
