theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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