Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Farmville is her only friend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
