Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
