He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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