I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize