I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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