Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
