Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
