I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They have beer where we have blood.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
