please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
