Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
