I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
