you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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