My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I AM VODKA MAN
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
